Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..