If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME