i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..