How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup