I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.