She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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