So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
