Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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