help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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