Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just had sex bonerless
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
