I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't deserve a penis
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.