Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .