you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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