Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
honey bunches of taint.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God