dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
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Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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