One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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