The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my liver is dry heaving
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
