You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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