mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101