Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction