Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
