Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.