Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.