Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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