you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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