soooo we both peed the bed last night...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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