I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
