Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
