I look better un-naked...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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