do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
