I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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