It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just cropdusted the office
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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