so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.