how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately