Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.