The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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