Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
