Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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