I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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