Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize