My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to cum in my sink.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
