All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
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angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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