we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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