mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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