Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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