You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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