Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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