Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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