We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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