When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
