what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
