I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize