You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.