Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing