she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess