You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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