lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
