Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
