thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
