Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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