i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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