Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
