never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
