the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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