New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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